


Finest Tippy Golden Flowery Bluefruit Kintle

by Argendriel



Series: TFA kink meme fills that are generally non-kinky [3]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Tea, Teasnob!Hux
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 09:39:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6513040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Argendriel/pseuds/Argendriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For a kmeme prompt asking for more tea snob! Hux.<br/>(How could I resist)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finest Tippy Golden Flowery Bluefruit Kintle

The trouble with tea, Hux had long since decided, rarely was getting good quality blends.  
The quantity of the exact variety and grade one desired, that could be a bit of a problem at times, but a decent quality was more easily acquired than one would think.  
Even if decent meant high to superior grade (which it did for a connoisseur of Hux' calibre) - it usually was doable, provided one had a fairly wide range of tastes and didn't limit oneself to just one or two blends (like some lesser cultured people he had met).  
Most systems - if not all, even in the Unknown Regions - had a diverse tea culture of some sort and for the right price or other incentives, a decent grade of several kinds of tea could be easily acquired. (Hux would forever deny ever having threatened the use of violence over the quality of tea because really, the merchant probably had misinterpreted some choice words, it was hardly Hux' fault that the subtleties might have gotten lost in translation.)

No, the quality was generally a non-issue. As were the proper ceremony and utensils for drinking it. Most tea was fairly straight forward in its preparation, with varying water temperatures, sure, but they usually involved being steeped for a certain amount of time and not too much else. Those that required more elaborate ways to prepare them usually needed only small tools to achieve the desired result and the different tools were often quite similar in form or function. All of this was nothing an experienced tea drinker couldn't handle and if there wasn't the exactly perfect cup or pot to brew the tea, well, that was a pity but it rarely had any effect on the actual taste.

What had an enormous effect on the taste, though, and which was the bane of any space-bound tea aficionados' existence was the very water the tea had to be steeped in.

The mere thought of submerging the delicate dried leaves of a prize-winning Karlini Crystal Selection in the chemically recycled sludge that was the ship board water made Hux blanch. It seemed almost a criminal offense to sully such a precious commodity with a water that barely even deserved to be called such.

When he had boarded his first spaceship, he hadn't had any notion about how dire the tea water situation was to be. At the Academy, the water had not been exactly flawless, but still drinkable and tea-usable enough, especially after the application of a cleverly constructed filtering system. He hadn't been able to bring his little invention on board, though, and he had come to miss it dearly.  
The first tea he had brewed on board had been an almost traumatic experience. It had been a very simple but clean Yarba, one of the more uncomplicated yet distinguished blends. After the first careful sip, Hux had had trouble suppressing a classic spit-take. He had rarely before tasted something so vile (and as much as he still tried to deny it, the experience had sullied the whole variety of Yarba blends for him).

The incident had been bad enough to make Hux forego any further tea-indulgence for quite a while - with a heavy heart, he had locked away his (still modest) collection of teas at the back of his personal locker.

With his improving rank, the amenities he'd had access to had improved as well. He had found out that higher ranking officers had access to certain requisition forms for articles that were regarded as luxury items. So while his peers had filled requisition forms for spirits and cigs, he had requested the occasional rare tea blend and, more importantly, bottled spring water. While not the perfect solution (the water tended to suffer from the long interstellar transportation and regularly turned stale) it had been a vast improvement and made at least some of the teas Hux owned mostly drinkable.

By the time he'd made General, he had amassed a sizable collection of great teas and a constant subscription of bottled water whenever it could be delivered.

Still, "mostly drinkable" had never been the ideal state of things and his mood had suffered due to the inadequacy of the situation.

So in his free time between planning the construction of a super weapon, supervising training sims and dealing with Supreme Leader Snoke's apprentice, he had set upon the task of recreating the water filtering system of his academy days.  
His gained experience had not just been helpful in designing parts of a super weapon of near unimaginable proportions; he would also be able to finally savour a properly prepared cup of tea, he had decided.

The filtering system, once perfected, had done a quite wonderful job. So when time had come to move operations to his, rather, the First Order's new super weapon, he had not hesitated for long to have the machine installed in his quarters there. While Starkiller had been a planet with a more or less intact ecosystem, the search for active underground springs that met Hux' exceptional expectations for fresh spring water had been proving unsuccessful so far (it had been, after all, a frozen wasteland, also, the planet's water had appeared to have a generally unpleasantly high iron content).

After Starkiller, everything had gone - quite literally - down the drain. The explosion of the planet had taken not only the beautifully constructed filtering system but also a sizable chunk of Hux' tea collection (including a few blends that would never be produced again because, well, they had just recently blown up the system they had originated from. Hux had almost felt a sense of regret at this.)

Now, back on the Finalizer with an incapacitated Knight of Ren to be delivered to the Supreme Leader and Hux' own future hanging in the balance, he found his storage of bottled spring water almost entirely depleted.

So with the last remainder of the water, he carefully brewed a Finest Tippy Golden Flowery Bluefruit Kintle.

During his first few sips, he mused that someone of Supreme Leader Snoke's rank probably never had to wory about decent water for their tea. Someone of this rank probably had access to a lifetime supply of high grade spring water.  
Hux thought he remembered stories of Emperor Palpatine owning an impressive personal garden including a private fresh water spring.

Well. That settled it.

**Author's Note:**

> This was even more cracky than the first tea snob! Hux fill - and I once again had a lot of fun making up silly tea name additions (though the teas themselves do exist in the Star Wars universe). 
> 
> It's not directly connected to the first tea snob!Hux fill. But it can be read that way nonetheless, I guess.
> 
> Prompt:  
> Hux always looks like he's fellating a lemon because no matter what type of tea he gets, ship board water ruins it, Starkiller base water isn't much better, and none of the planets he's been on long enough to have tea has the right water either. He has a side mission to find a planet with the perfect tea water and take it over.
> 
> http://tfa-kink.dreamwidth.org/3961.html?thread=8767865#cmt8767865


End file.
